Reddit Reddit: Making housewives laugh

Wandering through the eBook service from my local library I came across a collection of Erma Bombeck’s writings, Forever Erma, collated posthumously by two of her former editors, ably assisted by her secretary and the multitudes who loved her story telling.

Do you remember Erma?  She was an American humorist who wrote nearly 4,000 syndicated columns, “At Wits End,” between 1965 and 1996.  Her goal for “At Wits End” was to make housewives laugh!  Over 30 years she more than achieved her goal, and her audience included housewives, presidents, and everyone in between.

When Erma started her column I was just about to leave school, so I doubt many of her writings meant much to me, because with good humour and grace she wrote about screaming kids, husbands, and unpaid bills etc., not exactly teenage fare.  But I eventually grew up and perhaps around the 80’s I used to look forward to reading her columns, although I can’t for the life of me remember who held the Australian syndication.

Although American based, Erma’s humor reminds me of the wonderful Pat McDermott, (Australian Women’s Weekly columnist nearly 30 years). Both writers stories travel very well; when it’s all said and done, families are families whatever nationality.

Reading Forever Erma as an adult, I enjoyed many a laugh, the odd tear, and discovered why Erma was so widely syndicated; for me, she speaks in a universal voice.  One of my favourite quotes is “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

I thoroughly recommend this anthology which contains many more of Erma’s famous quips and some of her more serious observations. Sometimes we need a light read, something just for fun.

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Footnote: Erma had breast cancer in 1992, which caused kidney problems. She died in 1996 following complications from a kidney transplant.  A poem she wrote when she found out she was dying from cancer, (some references say based on a 1979 column) particularly resonates with me and, as it’s in the public domain, I’m sharing it here.

‘If I Had My Life to Live Over’

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it, live it and never give it back.

Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)