You might feel alone, but you don’t have to be

Mary was 67 when her husband John passed away. They had been married for 45 years and had shared a wonderful life together. Three of their four children lived a plane trip away and Mary began to feel the isolation from her family.

Then, she started to feel uncomfortable at her regular social activities because she and John had always done things together with other couples. Slowly, Mary began to cut herself off from her support networks.

This happens so frequently in the lives of over 60s as we succumb to feelings like lower self-esteem, unhappiness and loneliness. But, there are ways we can make sure that no matter what happens in our future, we stay connected with those who love us most.

When we face a challenge like the loss of a spouse or close family, we have a choice to make. We can dwell on that loss and mourn for much longer than we intrinsically need, or we can do our best to be positive and think to the future. Your attitude is everything when it comes to loneliness. If you’re willing to change your mindset and if you want to continue living a full life like your partner would have wanted you to, you will.

It’s important to understand yourself, and accept that you are feeling lonely. When you can understand and admit it to yourself, you can give yourself a true chance of moving on and finding a way to change it.

Changing how you feel isn’t easy, but there are some things you can do to give yourself the best chance of finding happiness again and combating loneliness.

Schedule regular social activities

If you have a group of friends that you see for coffee or lunch regularly, make it a reoccurring event so that on the first Tuesday of every month you meet for a 10am coffee at your favourite café. This way, it’s a standing appointment and you will always be inclined to make it. It also means that you don’t have to plan the social event, something that can deter people from going ahead.

Become a volunteer

When you donate your time, resources or skills to someone or something that needs it, your generosity gives you a higher sense of purpose that creates better self-esteem. When you feel better about yourself, you feel less time feeling sorry for yourself. So by signing up at your local hospital, animal shelter, school or Church you can give yourself a purpose that can inspire a passion and help you meet new people.

Join a club

Whether it is a sporting club, hobby club, Probus club or community club, joining one puts you in regular contact with other people that are likely to be facing the same challenges as you are. This gives you a chance to create friendships and a support network that is reliable and can stimulate you mentally, emotionally and physically.

Use technology

Don’t feel that distance stops a friendship or a connection. Technology such as Skype, FaceTime, texting, Emailing, Facebook and so many other platforms can help you to keep up a connection with your loved ones. Skype once a week with your children to keep in contact with the Grandkids, email your friends and give them updates on what you are up to. There are so many resources that can contribute to keeping you happy and actively connected with your support networks.

Don’t give up. It may seem hard and loneliness is one of the most difficult emotions to cope with, but you have existing and new support networks all around you. You just have to realise it and do your best to find happiness again.

Have you suffered from loneliness? What helped you to overcome it? Where did you find support? Share your story with us in the comments below…