Retirement taught me that we can be happy without labelling ourselves

One of my greatest concerns, probably my only concern when thinking about retirement was that I would no longer “do” or “be” anything. Once no longer working, I wouldn’t be known for my contribution to society, my professional skills or achievements. If I would no longer do what I had been doing professionally for forty years who would I be?

My entire professional life I have been a teacher or involved in education. I chose teaching in 1973 as not only my career, but as the answer to the question, why am I here? What should I do with my life? It was the ultimate answer.

My first encounter with kids in a classroom was like a flash had gone off. This is what I want to do, this is what I need to do, I realized immediately. I was like the proverbial fish in water. I loved kids, and I was so proud of them when they succeeded, frustrated with myself when they didn’t, and encouraged them as much as I could along their educational journey.

And… I was good at it! This was a new experience. As a kid I wanted to be great at sports, and was at best average. Music? No way. Finally, as a teacher, I really was good at something, and something I enjoyed so much. I earned a good reputation as a teacher, and to be honest this mattered to me. Now, as an adult, to have the respect of students, colleagues and parents (yes, even them!) filled my ego’s needs as nothing ever had.

Psychologists have long known that our self-esteem is important to our growth and enjoyment of life, and teaching was my source of my self-esteem. So without it, as a retiree, how would I cope? What would I be able to say when asked?

“What do you do?“

“What do I do? Uhhh, well, I’m retired. I don’t really do anything…”

What would define me, and satisfy my ego’s appetite?

It is surprising, then, to discover a newfound sense of excitement in not being anything in particular, in not having to be particularly good at anything! In fact, it is not a newfound sense but a return to the excitement of being a kid again who one day wants to be a fireman, another day a policeman, another day an astronaut. Kids are loved for who they are, not for how good they are, or at least they should be. They just do stuff- build rickety tree houses, billy carts, play games. They are good at some things, not so good at others, but it doesn’t matter. They value their friends and are valued in kind because they laugh at their jokes, share their toys or just enjoy hanging out with them.

As a retiree I feel the kid in me re-emerging, and with it the freedom from needing, or seeking, others’ recognition of my skills, of proving myself. There are new horizons for me to explore. If the result is ‘being good’ at something, fine, but it is no longer a driving force. Now it’s ok just “to be”, whether an average handyman, cook or gardener. I’ll explore the world as much as I can, learn whatever I want, not because it will impress others or satisfy my ego, but simply for the joy exploration brings.

As a teacher I was only as good as my last lesson, and if I had a bad day in the classroom it was only when I had a good day, when I proved my worth, that I would again feel good about myself. Now I feel good just to wake up, and I look forward to whatever the day and I have in store.

I admit that this freedom can be enjoyed because I have been fortunate to have had success and fulfilment in my chosen profession. Had it been otherwise I’d likely still be trying to prove myself, to others and to me. But as I am sure many of us have been successful in our chosen careers, let’s not fear the absence of the professional success that we once enjoyed. Enjoy the stage of life we have reached which enables us to enjoy the exciting freedom of just living, as we did in our childhood.

Do you enjoy not having a label since retiring? Tell us in the comments below…