Holiday on hold

Ann shared with us her “String of Bad Luck” and “Change of Fortune” article series  last few weeks… today she continues it with another heart-wrenching piece.  

It seems very selfish to be thinking about my holiday now but the truth is I’m hoping I can still go. Last week it seemed Dad was on the mend but things have gone rapidly downhill.

Dad’s prostate surgery four weeks ago went well but his age, heart, lung, previous stroke, Alzheimer’s and now other complications have taken their toll. He’s had two trips to intensive care and though he’s back in a regular ward now it’s only because there’s nothing more they can do in ICU, other than keep him comfortable. The doctors say that should he crash again, CPR and intubation are not recommended and best to let him go. Whereas previously he was awake and coherent, now he’s sleeping most of the time I’m with him. He looks peaceful. I wait. The doctors cannot say how long.

I feel very alone. My mum died twenty-five years ago. Dad remarried and he had more than ten happy years before his wife died six years ago. I do have a brother and I think it would be a comfort if he were here but he has drug and alcohol issues and lives in another world. He calls me now and then and visits occasionally. The last time was dad’s birthday three months ago. I have rung the Wayside Chapel at Kings Cross, every homeless men’s shelter and Mission Beat – they all knew him but not where he was. I found the number of his ex girlfriend still in my phone, called her and bless her, she walked the streets of Kings Cross until she found him and let him use her phone to call me. He said he would come as soon as he could. That was three days ago and he has not shown.

I would be getting excited about my trip but I can’t. Four weeks of going to the hospital every day is wearing me down.

image: alexanderromero